In the midst of all the doom and gloom, I think we could all use some levity. Here’s my annual list of predictions for trends in the hotel industry in 2010.

1. Hotels to rival used-car salesmen in price integrity. Attempts to curb rampant discounting in 2009 by offering value-adds like free breakfast and parking will prove futile in 2010 as hotels panic over weak demand and drop rates even further — without taking away the value-adds. Meanwhile, a prized mathematician at Cornell proves once and for all that discounting does not increase demand, but is denounced by the hotel industry, who announce another fire sale — third night free!

2. Hotels shoulder burden of bargain-hunter economy. Airlines, who stopped fussing over trifles like customer satisfaction years ago, will counter periods of weak demand by simply canceling flights and hiking fares. Car rental companies, who apparently missed the memo about the Great Recession, will continue to charge premium rates for substandard cars. Meanwhile, travelers will expect bargain rates from hotels while refusing to tolerate lapses in quality and service.

3. Bungled bundling. In an attempt to offset losses, hotels will craft packages more complex than cell phone plans, hoping to confuse travelers into paying higher rates, but will end up only confusing themselves and giving away even more.

4. Flagrant spending is back! (just not for you). Luxury went mass-market in 2008, then in 2009 became a symbol of shame and excess after people discovered credit has limits. Now it’s set to make a comeback — as a niche market. The glamorous world of private jets and champagne Jacuzzis will revert to its originally-intended audience: billionaires, royalty, celebrities, bankers and hotel doormen.

5. Lifestyle: the new luxury. Filling the void created by conversions of luxury hotels into RV parks, lifestyle hotels will open at a rate of one every 3.7 seconds. Brought to you by the big-box chains, these boutique knock-offs will cater to the conscientious traveler’s demands for eco-friendly practices (as long as it doesn’t cost more), social responsibility (provided no extra tipping expected), and affordable style (quirky patterns and garish colors that will have guests screaming for the days of all-beige hotel rooms).

More at eHolelier.com and Daniel Craig.